"It's like a chicken that ate a lemon, then laid an egg while running though a rice paddy and got some rice on its talons."

The title of this post is an homage to the great comic genius Jack Black and also a shout-out to one of my best friends, Carly L., who shares my sense of humor among other things, i.e. our brain.

So this recipe is a three-parter. The chicken is the most involved, but the rice and corn are pretty simple. I'm going to say prep time is about 15 minutes, and cook time is around 45. 

Not only did this taste good, but I think the earth-tones color scheme of the plate, food, and countertop compliment the aesthetic quality of it all!

The Fixin's

For the Chicken

• 4 Chicken breasts (it won't change the anything if you use fewer, only you'll have more gravy, which I personally like.)
• flour
• salt
• pepper
• onion
• thyme
• parsely
• olive oil
• chicken broth
• lemon juice

For the Rice (for 1 person)

• minute rice
• egg
• onion
• soy sauce
• margarine 

Fixin' the fixin's --> arranged so you can cook both the chicken and the rice at the same time. If you only want to cook one of the dishes, those separate algorithms follow. What, you never saw the word "algorithm" in a food blog before?

1. To get all the chopping out of the way, cut up the onion. You should have about one medium onion for the chicken and half an onion for the rice.
2. In a bowl, beat 1 egg.
3. Heat 1 tablespoon of margarine in a nonstick pan.
4. Heat a tablespoon or so of olive oil in another nonstick pan. You only need enough to coat the bottom lightly, otherwise it'll spit like crazy, and people will wonder if you're washing your hands with poison ivy they'll be so red and burned.
5. In a plastic bag, mix about 2 tablespoons of flour and sprinkle in some salt and pepper. Only about 4 shakes for your standard shaker.
6. Add the chicken to the bag and shake to coat.
7. Brown the chicken in the pan with the olive oil and set it aside.
8. In the pan with margarine, add the egg and scramble it. When it's done a'scramblin' add the onion and brown it. 
9. Add the onion and about 1 tablespoon of margarine to the oil and cook them until they're all wilty-like.
10. While the onions are cooking at both camps, get a cup of water boiling and add 1 cup of Minute rice to it. Mix and let stand.
11. Add about a tablespoon of flour to the onions in the chicken pan and mix it all in.
12. Add the rice to the egg pan and pack it tight to the bottom. Crank up the heat as high as it'll go. You want to get the rice crispy and flip it repeatedly so it gets brown on all sides.
13. Add 1 cup of chicken broth to the pan and 1/2 teaspoon thyme. Mix together.
14. Put the chicken back in and simmer covered until the chicken is cooked through and the gravy thickens a little.
15. When the rice's looked good and tan, add 1-2 tablespoons of soy sauce to your taste, as well as another cup of water. Mix it around and do the crisping thing again. When it's dry enough that the rice isn't soggy, you're done.
16. Now for the corn. Put some frozen corn in a bowl with salt, pepper, butter, and a tablespoon of sugar. Microwave it for 5 minutes and mix it up. BAM.

If you just want the chicken...

1. Same deal with the plastic bag and the dry ingredients as above (see step 5).
2. Brown the chicken on both sides. My cookbook says it should be "opaque." Not really sure what that means, so I assume it just means don't eat raw chicken.
3. When chicken can no longer give you e. coli, set aside. 
4. Chop your onion and brown it in the chicken grease and about a tablespoon more of oil. Cook until onions are soft.
5. Add another tablespoon of flour to the onions.
6. Add 1 cup chicken broth and 1/2 teaspoon of thyme. Bring the chicken back. Cover and simmer until gravy is thick enough. By thick enough I mean it's not solid — not even jello-like — but might be questionable as a liquid. Basically, you should not be able to pour it.
7. Add some parsley flakes to taste.

If you just want the rice...
This goes really well with a lot of other things, which I won't list right now.

1. Boil up 1 cup of water. Add 1 cup minute rice to it. Let it stand.
2. Beat 1 egg.
3. Melt 1 tablespoon butter in a frying pan.
4. Add the egg and scramble.
5. Chop some onion.
6. Brown the onion with the egg.
7. Add the rice and crank up the heat as high as it'll go, or you'll be here all day.
8. Pat the rice down like a pancake and give it a few minutes. Flip it in sections and re-pat. You're trying to brown it and cover as much surface area as possible.
9. Once it's good 'n brown, add soy sauce to taste (I like mine salty, you may not. Remember with soy sauce, a little goes a long way. Don't exceed 3 tablespoons unless you wanted to have a heart attack at 25.)
10. Add a cup of water too.
11. Do the browning deal again, basically drying up that liquid.